Ah, regrouping is a blessed thing...

I forgot last week I posted how I was unraveling.  I had no idea the next day would be worse.  I shared with a few prayer warrior friends, although those without text, didn't get the "prayer memo".  My good friend Robin told me "He is there to catch you.  You can let go."  Then she felt compelled to share Psalm 46 with me, I believe the Lord spoke to her that it was specifically for me right now... so I will share it here.

God Is Our Fortress

To the choirmaster. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A Song.

46 God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy habitation of the Most High.
⁵  God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
    God will help her when morning dawns.
⁶  The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
    he utters his voice, the earth melts.
⁷  The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

⁸  Come, behold the works of the Lord,
    how he has brought desolations on the earth.
⁹  He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
    he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
     he burns the chariots with fire.
¹⁰  “Be still, and know that I am God.
     I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth!”
¹¹  The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

I had reached the end of myself and was told that was the best place for Him to step in.  This helped encourage me.  I was sobbing so hard that I found myself in danger of hyperventilating, and had to rapidly lay down and force long, slow breaths in my nose and through my pursed mouth.  It felt like a good idea, and it helped.  Then I just said, "Lord, I don't know what to do, so I let go and give it to you... although I don't know how, I am willing."  I held my arms out while on my bed, flat on my back, and felt that I needed to briefly go off my treatment plan.  My body was overwhelmed with the detox, as were my emotions.  I instantly felt like I had a plan and that it would be okay.  I did not take my supplements/meds that evening at all.  Nor did I take them through the weekend, though I did take a few things that support detox, after a couple days.  I resumed the whole treatment Monday, and spoke with my doctor who seemed pleased, and just gave some basic instruction for times I may need to stop for a day or two.  Emotionally I have felt much better since.  Physically, well that is another story.  Detox takes it's toll on people, for sure.

This last month we went from 2400 sf, 4/3 and 3 car garage, pretty much to capacity (especially the garage, shudder) to 1400 sf, 3/2 and a 1 car garage, with room to spare.  Even with little imagination, I think most people would recognize how substantial that is.  I could literally fit ALL my clothing in one drawer (including my big robe) and likely with my shoes.  I have very little to wear.  When you have minimal help (although the help we had was such a gift!), and the one handling it is the one with the least aptitude to do so, you end up taking a big hit.  Financially, emotionally, and physically, the toll has been pretty hard core.  I wanted to stay in the former house longer, but the mold issues were wreaking havoc on my system, and I could scarcely walk.  It was getting pretty bad.  Everyone was having respiratory issues, not sleeping well, coughing, and so on.  We had to leave, and fast.  Now we are praying the landlords take our request (which we feel is more than reasonable, and have had a meeting with Fair Housing who agrees) for the last month's pre-paid rent returned, plus our full deposit.  I don't want to litigate, and I am certain they will take it as a personal affront, so I hope they concede this point.

I am not sure which toys we still own, but we have no books (except the two purchased yesterday), and many of the things we used daily are either sold, tossed, stolen, or in a box in the garage, waiting for proper cleaning so we can use them again.

I am in the midst of the theft claim, but am so tired.  I just want to nap.  I have kids to pick up in 40 minutes, and if it isn't raining, we will go to the hot tub.  The amenities are pretty nice here.  

Regardless of how deeply painful and even traumatizing this experience has been, I am grateful that never again will we be so stuck and encumbered with stuff.  I realize that if I were healthy already, and forced to move quickly, Jim and I could easily pack up this whole place, plus garage... and load into a moving truck in one day.  That is so freeing!  Simplified... now trying to ensure our whole life is simplified.

I better get this toddler clothed... little nudie.

Today's prayer... exponential increase in healing and wholeness, financial things in place after moving and loss, ease of claims process with renter's insurance, favor with landlords, car repaired, my children to make new friends who LOVE JESUS, and for great blessing for those who are/have chosen to bless my family in this time of challenge and distress.  The crisis is over, now to regroup fully and get settled.  We are so very pleased to have Jim home with us again, versus always at the old place taking care of everything.  Though there was some assistance (thank God, seriously!), he still managed most all of it on his own.  His choices were not always perfect (duh, whose are?) but I am really proud of him.  This is not an area of his strength... just like I had to let go and let him, and this is not MY area of strength.  Phew, all done on that end.  WE MISSED YOU HONEY!

Blessings to you, one and all.

Jen and fam