Today I talked to Jim as he was working at the old house getting stuff picked up. I am hoping to get my clothes back, and asking him where they are. I have been wearing the same thing and washing it for a week, something I recently purchased at Target. It turns out he was donating almost all of the bags of clothing in the home to Goodwill. I had to get off the phone, I was so upset. I didn't know what to do. He is working so hard trying to take care of all the belongings at the old house, washing them to bring here or donating or selling or trashing. It's a lot of work, and it's not something that I am physically equipped to handle. This is very difficult for me, as I prefer to manage these types of situations, and brutal for him as he doesn't. Now I almost have nothing to wear and my favorite items are probably gone. I have to buy all new things for myself and for the kids, bedding and everything. (And with what? The medical costs are astronomical and funds are limited.) Trying to figure out what to do is upsetting, because I don't know where to begin and I don't have the energy or the strength to figure out how to replace these belongings. In addition I have my next doctors appointment next week, and don't know what all the test results will prove. Therefore, I don't know what expense will be involved in my treatment plan. I hesitate replacing a wardrobe, because I don't know how that it is affordable until after my appointment. I suspect I will be spending $6-700, but I don't know. I feel sort of lost, and without direction. I just don't know how to plan anything, and we're all exhausted. I was able to call somebody to process everything verbally, as I tend to do best that way. Internalizing and trying to process internally doesn't seem to work for me, it just makes me more upset. But I found a really great confidant and person to bounce things off of in Pastor Manda, of Elim Lutheran Church in Petaluma. This isn't the church we attend, but it is a really nice community of people. And Pastor Manda is a very good person to talk to. Although overwhelmed, and not happy with what we have to contend with right now, I just feel a whole lot better after speaking with her.
I was thinking I would write more, but I really need to take advantage of the fact that we have somebody here for the kids for a few more minutes. I should not have tried to pay bills, but rather taken a nap as soon as I could have. I think I'll just rest my eyes for a bit and hope that I get a little boost out of that before I tackle the bills.
Thank you for reading, for your support and prayers. Hopefully we find some good solutions for our lack of wardrobe here, and the few odds and ends we do have need things that will go with them. I will grieve the loss of all the things that held memories, and I'm sure in the future will be better off for it. It just feels really awful right now.
Blessings to you all, Jen
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