Change is afoot!

Okay, so I have thoroughly been blessed while working with Gary Blier, of Advanced Cell Training. (www.advancedcelltraining.com) I am currently not doing ANYTHING else, outside of my dietary shifts, and meeting with a woman Gary recommended. Her name is Doris, and she has quite a gift. Such godly insight, and actually communicates with angels. Some people do get to do that... Lol. Anyway, it was amazing to talk to her yesterday, and Gary today. Both conversations confirmed my belief that I had pre-birth trauma. Since the work I have been doing with Gary, and how I was ready to talk to Doris (and those results), I am seriously seeing an amazing shift. Also crucial to this success and the results God has been putting together, has been Dr Lyndsey Elizabeth, my friend. She is a prayer warrior with an incredible healing gift. She took me through a DEEP layer of wounding, to healing. I'm incredibly excited!

Now, you may wonder how I'm doing physically. Predominantly, the issues I'm dealing with currently are fatigue (seems to have begun a shift) and all over body pain. Owwie! Once the pain and fatigue lifts, I'll know I've come a very long way. :) I have, much, anyway... but the big shift is coming from this beginning shift. For YEARS I have known and expected the holiday season to produce something incredible, and every year I have been excited and waited to see the major shift... but it didn't happen. Still, I KNEW it was supposed to happen during the holiday season, and I waited. Often very disappointed. But this year, the anticipation and excitement is palatable and greater... WOW! Just wait... so thrilled to share this journey with you all and see the massive breakthrough arriving. Yay!!!!

Multi-layer steps, moving right along. Often feeling very slow, but 37 years of stuff doesn't usually just resolve overnight. Body, mind, and spirit are being healed. THANK YOU JESUS!!!

(Oh, and guess what? I applied for a JOB! Ha!!!)

Oh, the fatigue... go away.

My days typically are not as eventful as most mothers, in terms of accomplishments, but as I heal up more and Avalei starts preK, this will change. Actually, maybe what accomplishments are with healthy women would be different. Getting out of bed is a big deal.

Today was a toughie, already. So I was up at 7:36am, realizing Jim was sound asleep next to me, and the kids were up. OMG!!! Jim should have been up and doing the morning routine! He lost his phone, which doubles as an alarm, and should have asked me to use mine. I didn't even think of it.

Off he goes to ensure the older two are ready for school, dressed with lunches, and off they go. I head to the girls room because isn't that how everyone begins their day? And get a text that the babysitter I'd hired to help out this morning (I'm very tired and could tell I was fighting something last night) informing me she had severe cramps and couldn't come. I would have cried, but I was too tired. 8:00 and time to get on a health call that is helping in my battle with Lyme disease. Sometime between 8:00-9:00 Jim kissed me goodbye and left. I put on some soothing music after the call, part of protocol, and crash. Could.not.keep.my.eyes.open. Avalei is in and out, talking to me as I nearly drool on myself. Just kidding, but only about the drooling part. I remember groggily praying for supernatural nanny angels, or something along those lines. This went on until 12:15 when I checked FB, hoping to stay awake for my kiddo, and my mom called. I haven't eaten a thing. Avalei did, and I'm certain because I first asked Jim, and then she came and said hi, as she ate.

Now I close windows, turn on a/c, and make lunch... assuming I don't fall on the floor.

This isn't every day. Thankfully. Now to enter the main part of the house and see what my fatigue has cost me.

Oh yay! She was merciful. Phew! :) Imagine first trimester fatigue... that's what I can compare this to, from experience. Why doesn't she nap anymore???

It's now 12:45, and is still be sleeping if I wasn't forcing myself up.

Tomorrow will be better... I'm holding onto that hope!

I need you.

I need you.  Yes, you.  I need your compassion.  Your understanding.  Your unconditional love.  Sometimes I need you to pat me on the back, to hold my hand, to send me a note of encouragement.  I need you to pray for me, and breath hope into me when mine has worn down to its core.  I need you to smile at me and to wipe away my tears.  I need you to see me, through all the things that could potentially keep you from seeing me clearly.  I need you to care.  I need you to be careful about offering advice, as often it is not what is truly helpful.  Sometimes I need you to bring me something.  Or to ask if there is something you could bring me that I really need, or maybe even just want.  Sometimes I want you to come over with a funny movie, so we can just laugh.  I need to laugh.  Tell me funny things.  My body hurts, and sometimes just a gentle back rub will mean the world to me.  Sometimes a card in the mail makes me feel on top of the world.  Knowing you have your own life going on, and your challenges and frustrations, but you remember me, makes me feel cherished and special.  I need that.  I need you to keep your word.  Please don't make me promises, and then back out.  Either don't make any, and surprise me, or keep them.  When I am in a place of desperate need of help, and you answer a prayer, but then really don't, it is devastating.  I am doing my best, and as long as this is all my best is, I don't need extra disappointment and to have to figure something else out last minute.  Please, don't take on things you shouldn't, even if your heart is really big.  I don't want that.  But if you can offer something, and want to, by all means... :)
Often a text or a phone call will take very little time from you, especially since my ringer is off 99% of the time, but will mean so much to me.  If I am on your heart, tell me.  That gives me a boost.  If you think of me and want to see me, ask me.  If I can manage a visit, I would LOVE one.  I miss you.  Even if you just pop by.  If you do stop it, when you see me beginning to droop, make me lay down.  You don't have to leave then, unless you can see I need you to, but I miss you so much I could overdo it.  Things I love, vanilla candles, or any pumpkin, cinnamon, sugar cookie candle.  I like lightly scented bath stuff.  I like herbal teas, and decaf chai.  I love fuzzy socks.  hehe  I like pretty scarves, and hats are delightful.  I love positive sayings for home decor, and love scriptures you can hang.  I'm right now visually craving autumn decor, since I don't have any anymore.  I love fruits and veggies, yes! And butternut squash soup rocks those fuzzy socks off my feet.  Call me crazy, but I am going vegan.  For my health.  I am taking my life back, yes indeed.  How do you spell love?  Vacuuming, dishes, and toilet cleaning.  Don't you spell it that way too?  I love books, reading is something I have begun to be able to do again.  I love mixed bouquets, exception of lilies, which hate me.  Darnit.  I love good worship music.  Do you have a puppy?  Or a baby?  Bring that little one to me so I can snuggle it!  :)  I love pretty things around me... there is something amazing about surrounding yourself with beauty.  I love fresh, organic herbs.  Because of the health crisis I am in, I am very careful about what I consume, as a rule.  Organic is a wonderful thing.  I love card games, but all my cards are gone, darn the luck!  ;)  Bring cards, I will whoop you.  hahaha  One important thing to remember as I heal is this... just because I seem excited, happy, and effusive with personality bubbling out of me, doesn't mean I won't rapidly hit a wall and slide right down it.  Don't assume I am doing all that much better, until I say so.  Looks can be deceiving.  Am I improving?  I think so.  But I don't yet really "feel" it.  I can do more, every so often.  And when I am able to, my endurance is longer, but nothing near normal.  Please keep in mind that when I think I am feeling well, I can quickly turn a corner and feel like I am going to pass out.  This makes me feel badly as I find myself concerned about how this will affect you.  Remind me in these moments, that it is about me.  I have been told to focus on me, and I know I need to.  This is difficult for me.  Don't let me get away with deflecting that.  It is dangerous for my health, for real.  I want to be well.  For me, for you, for the purpose God has for me.  The enemy is real, but he is weak when compared to the awesome power, authority and glory of my Father God.  His strength is made perfect in my weakness... well look at that, I feel useful.  :)  I need to rest and to eat.  Probably not in that order.  As you read this words, know that they likely apply to anyone (overall) that is dealing with any chronic, crippling disease or ailment... even severe depression.  Please be gentle with one another.  It is hard to share this with everyone, and most won't.  Always operate in love.  Please.  Always.  And thank you to all of you who have been there for me, in any way.  You are sowing good seed.  XOXOXO

Progress is progress, even if only baby steps.

Baby steps. Sometimes I feel I should be doing more than baby steps, but reality is that this is huge progress. I should celebrate every victory, and I keep saying I do and it's true. Still, there are other times where the slow progress makes me feel frustrated and sometimes a bit disappointed. I have so many hopes and dreams, so many plans for my future and my family, and slow progress doesn't quite fit with my heart's desires.

I am determining to be pleased with any progress I make. Trying to recognize the distance I have come in the last several months, and what a big deal that is. I was rapidly going downhill, and although it was hard for me to see how poorly I was doing, there are many who began to recognize it, and see the changes since then more clearly than I do. The truth is, I was doing so poorly, that I couldn't even wrap my mind around what was going on. I think maybe there's this inherent part of us that doesn't want to allow us to see how bad things are. It could be that I am a positive person by nature, and it wasn't something I always recognized because of the illness. It could be that I realize that God is always wanting what's best for me, and always breathing life into my being. And it's that desperate attempt to remember to concentrate on those truths and believe him and trust him, that have often disallowed me to see my reality. Now I say my reality, because my current reality doesn't match God's truth. But it's getting closer and closer every day.

An example of my reality coming closer to the truth is that I got up this morning, I did my praise moves workout, I got myself ready and put make up on. Those things in themselves are humongous accomplishments for me. And although that might seem silly and frivolous to some, it's because they don't have a true appreciation of what that means to someone who could scarcely get dressed much less leave the house.

I was so pleased. Then I went to lunch with Rachael and my mom, and celebrated my birthday together. We did some window shopping, and they did a little bit of real shopping, while I began to feel very fatigued. I hoped it would recover enough to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, and I did. This is also a very big deal. We then went and got pedicures and Rachael and I got manicures, and we laughed and relaxed together. After are fairly lengthy afternoon together, they drove me home. We visited briefly and they took their leave. I then spent time with the family and helped Jim get the kids ready for bed. It was a little more difficult, because I'm very sore. Not only have I done two of the praise moves workouts in the last three days, but yesterday I went and had an hour and a half massage and I'm very very tender, and very sore in places from it. I know it was important, nonetheless I still hurt. After the massage I had gone to the hot tab, and that felt good. However I think I need to soak with Epson salts and maybe ice my back.

After eating dinner and getting the kids settled for bed, I told Abby and Jim that we needed to finish zone number one. I am working diligently in getting our fly lady system set up, so our home is neater and easier to maintain.
We now have our calendar, and to do lists set up on Cozi.com. This system is fantastic, and on my new iPad (yay!), it's easy to follow. On the to do list I can just tap the boxes and it adds checkmarks. I also have been writing down the tasks for the week on the dry erase board and we just erase it as we go along. It is fantastic, and helping us to get more systems in place. It's progress, and it's actually very good progress, I just am very much a go getter, and I want to "go get".

Okay, so let me tell you what zone 1 was this week. Our tasks centered around the entry way, the dining room, and our balcony. On the lis,t it says porch, which makes more sense because they're all connected, but we don't have a porch and have a balcony instead. This evening I got on my hands and knees and I dusted the baseboards in the entry and dining areas. We're very fortunate to not have a lot of dust here, but I hardly got anything up. I am pretty sure we have not done that since we moved here in February. But now we have.

We cleaned up and organized the coat closet, wiped down the floor in the entry area, vacuumed in the dining room Jim also did the living room, and I dusted the chairs in the dining room. Jim also wiped down the front door, the table, and we did the balcony. On the balcony we had items to pick up and put away, the table to wipe down and the chairs, the railing I also wiped down and the light fixture, and we had to pour hot water onto the balcony because it was sticky from Popsicles and bubbles, and sidewalk chalk. It looks really good now, nice and tidy, and my brightly colored outdoor lights were plugged in for most of the evening. My mother-in-law bought those for my birthday, and I think I need a couple more strings to really get it how I want it, but it looks very pretty right now. It is pretty inviting, and I'm hoping for a rug to really warm it up as well as peppermint plants to ward off the flying and stinging insects, and some tin lanterns or luminaries for me to put candles in and really make it look very comfortable. I wish it wasn't so late and I could go sit out there right now, but it is awfully cold. Oh right, I also want an outdoor heater. That will be fabulous. My body is more tired than my mind, so in just a bit I'm going to try to go to sleep. Hopefully I can. I also want to put some outdoor speakers on the balcony, I have been thinking about it and it would be wonderful.

So all this is fabulous progress and next week we start on the kitchen which is zone 2 in the flylady system.

In addition to the above, this week I also got my new starter kit in for Mary Kay. I had one before, and it's basically the essentials for holding skincare classes or parties, but mine was stolen with everything else that was stolen back in February. I also made a couple calls and got some orders in, and I placed an order and received it and assembled the orders as well. So that's actually another big piece of what I accomplished this week. Not only that, but I've also been doing my nighttime routine for my face more often. When I got so sick, I'd go days without washing my face as I was hardly able to do anything. I still feel really under the weather, weak and tired. That hasn't changed really, just my stamina as it has improved, and my endurance. They're still far from normal, and I just do the best I can on a day to day, and moment by moment basis. I don't typically know in advance what I'm going to be able to do, so I just push myself when I feel like it get away with pushing myself a little bit, and other times I don't push it all because I know I can't. At least I'm recognizing that better. My goal is to do my nighttime routine every day, my praise moves workout every day, and get the zone tasks and special zone missions accomplished every week. That is something we can do as a family though, and Abby helped me tonight on the balcony. I'm really glad she did.

Meanwhile, I want to build up business tools I need to have to work the business as I improve. I will do what I can, and do it slowly. I'm going to start out as if I were a new consultant, and do everything the right way from scratch. I'm essentially starting fresh, with the exception that I have almost 14 years of history in this company, some awesome team members, and some very loyal and faithful customers. I have decided to focus on building my business with the people I see on a regular basis in helping Audrey, and specifically with this apartment complex. I'm not going to focus on much of anything else, but that and my current customers. And I will do this with very tiny baby steps. I am currently working on setting up my systems, very simplified systems this time. I think that because I didn't really use my filesystem at the old house, the files inside probably are very safe from mold spores. I think I will use them and utilize the systems I already had set up, to see if I can get this together. I think it is good for a seasoned consultant to start fresh, in a sense, every so often, so they can still be very relevant to new consultants as they come in. One of my team members is wanting to get her business off the ground, and we could come at it like we're both starting brand-new brand-new, and essentially do that together. I want to keep things very simple, which will help make maintenance easier, but also much easier for new consultants to follow. :)

I have more to say, but I'm fried and so I'm going to put on some music and go to bed. Thanks for staying tuned... I still need lots of grace and help, but when I can manage something, I do. :)

Blessings!

Jen

Pity Party? NO THANKS!

I think it is pretty easy to feel sorry for yourself.  To get trapped in that place that says, "Why is this happening?  It shouldn't happen to me!"  Should it happen to anyone?  No, not really.  But it is what it is.  Once in a while I find myself losing my grip on my current situation.  Oh great... impending downward spiral.... I DON'T THINK SO!  It is far too easy to take the low road.  But that road, though easy to get to, is full of potholes, and robbers, and stickers, and cow patties.  Yeah, I said it... it's full of crap.  So the high road it is... I may slip a bit, but I always regroup.  It's a choice.

Yeah, it's a choice.  YOU get to choose your response.  What will you choose today?

The pity party I could opt for today, will take the energy away needed for the fun party coming up.  And that would just not be fun!

Party on Wayne.

Oh, that my life would be all it's purposes to be. :)

Seasons come and go
Circumstances ebb and flow
There is one Constant I know...
He created me. He gave me life and purpose. He created the passions that stir deep within, deliberately. I'm made to encompass Beauty. He is beauty. I am His, made in His image. The result of this is that I AM BEAUTY. His loved, cherished, precious child. What more can I do but honor Him with every breath I take, with every step I make. Without Him, life is empty and without hope. What an empty future I would have without Him! I would die without my love, without His peace that surpasses anything else.

Oh that my life would be ever focused on Him, in a way that draws people in and translates to them the love of the Father.

Oh Lord, spring from within me wells of joy, infectious, overwhelming and glorious!

Oh yes, let it be! I am free! I am happy! Lead me to others who need the same.

Hallelujah! Your love is amazing!

PART ONE: I can hardly believe I have not posted since April...

Wow, so the last few months have been very involved.  At times I was sick and tired, and unable to leave the house (while on certain meds), while others I was okay-though not great.  What a process!

I really don't want to hash out all the stuff that has gone on.  There has been way too much to post, and frankly, this kinda wipes me out.  :) So I am going to ramble on about what is going on now, and if anything that has happened comes up, then I will add it.

I don't want to talk about how I am doing right now, though if you ask and really want to know, I will be happy to tell you.  I just don't want to write about it.  I will say that my stamina has improved, and the body pain has gone down some to where it is tolerable and doesn't consume my every moment.  Not that it has gone away, but that I can better ignore it.

I want to stop going to the doctor and taking so many meds, very badly.  I am so ready to move on with my life.  Kinda like labor, I guess.  Yeah, I think so.  I think then I am going to push really hard right now.  It's my birthday month, and I intend to grab a hold of what God has for me, with all my getting.  :)

So I think I will talk about my intentions.  Yep.  That is what I am going to do.

I fully intend to walk out the truth of who God is and His promises to me.  His promises to me include:

He will bless the work of my hands.
He intends for me to walk in health and wholeness, in life and abundance.
He loves me thoroughly, truly and beautifully.
He thinks highly of me.
I am made in His image (and guess what, He ain't sick!)
He has a plan and a purpose for my life.
When I wait on Him, He renews my strength.
His heart toward me is good.
He will restore the years the locust has stolen.
I know He has spoken to me that His plan for me is on a large scale.  I fully believe this and will have a large scale benefits and blessings to those I come in contact with.  I think that is great redemption for what the enemy has tried to steal.  SUCKER!!  WRONG GIRL!!!!  Payback shall be FIERCE. YAY!
Once I overcome this entirely, I WILL NEVER CARRY ILLNESS LIKE THIS AGAIN, EVER!
He told me something special... "The longer you stand and contend in this, the larger your platform."  YAHOO!  I have been fighting for so long.  I have been learning boundaries too.  I believe that when all is said and done, I will have proper boundaries and guidelines with my time and energy levels.  Shoot, speaking of, I cannot finish this now... so it will become part 1.  I need to go to bed.  So I am off.  Thanks for reading.  :)