tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48235446473146406552024-03-12T21:51:31.392-07:00Lyme me a river...This is my life and journey as my family faces and conquers Lyme disease, and the other crazy challenges we encounter along the way. It's a bit heavy duty, but it helps me process and not carry it all inside. :)Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-53597687382981796392015-03-09T08:58:00.001-07:002015-03-09T08:58:28.417-07:00Welcome spring, can I go back to sleep now?Well, good morning… Or something. I just spent the greater part of an hour trying to compel my 10-year-old to go to school. Unfortunately we have the spring forward time change yesterday and she's having difficulty acclimating. She even a difficulty going to sleep last night and ended up in my bed. The result: I am near tears and feeling very frustrated and grouchy, Jim has to leave for work with his new management position as he has two new hires beginning today, and my 10-year-old breaks down and is all apologetic but still having difficulty complying. She goes off to the restroom then comes back and I tell her forget it… And go back to sleep for two hours and then get up and take a bath and go to school at the same time as your sister goes to kindergarten. Again at my wits end and not sure what to do dealing with the child on the spectrum, I pray for help. She thinks the bath is a good idea and trucks off to have one. Perhaps we will get her to school somewhere around 10 o'clock?… I certainly hope so. I had a really late night trying to finish a project that I need to get done. As a result I am very tired and I don't want to be doing that's right now. It is actually one of my least favorite things to be dealing with. Not the fact that it's my daughter, not the fact that she's on spectrum, the fighting to get someone to cooperate and go to school is just one of my least favorite things in the whole world. If this was what I had to do for an eternity! I would feel that it was certainly hell. This is yet another perfect example of counting your blessings because when things like this happen you realize that the good things are really really good… And the bad things very frustrating, but they could be so much worse. I would rather be fighting with her to go to school then dealing with her being gravely ill. So, I'm counting the blessing that she's healthy and that we will get through today and that at some point hopefully in the near future I will get a decent amount of sleep in a row without interruption. Yes, I am forever the optimist. I have to be or I might lose my ever loving mind.<div><br></div><div>Well, better out than in. So there you have it and now I'm going to close my eyes while I hear the bathwater run in my bathroom next to my room and hope that she doesn't take forever. Crossing my fingers, both of them, and my toes. Sending lots of prayers as well. Have a great day everybody, I'll be "Bach".</div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-53696347683197707812015-01-23T03:54:00.001-08:002015-01-23T03:54:10.374-08:00Sometimes it is good to just talk... or when the world is sleeping, to write.Well, it has been about 16 months since I last posted here, and that was a deliberate move. I needed to refocus on anything besides illness and so instead I began to work on business, and holidays, and then suddenly the local move we were making became less local. Practically overnight we moved away from the North Bay and I launched a renewed business with crazy activity. Next thing I know is I am fully immersed in the weddings and events industry in a full time capacity, more or less, with an assistant and some crazy busy schedules and a smidge overwhelmed.<br />
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It is almost a year after the move, and I am feeling even more shifts coming. And with that comes opposition.<br />
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Anyway, I needed to journal and decided to do it here. Why not?<br />
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I am concerned there may be some mold in here from the leak in the master toilet room. I have been off balance, brain foggy, and having increased pain and memory issues. In addition my eyesight is more blurry, and my hands are locking up, joints are really affected, and much of this I have not felt for quite some time.<br />
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I feel overwhelmed and frustrated, and wish I had some more help. But I have some very special people who give so much... and it is hard when you want to give back. Instead I am currently behind on business expenses due to being so sick over the last couple months... I just need that breakthrough already... seriously!<br />
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I am done... I have so much I could say, but I do not want to go into it. My head is hurting, hands are cramping, and I feel like crying, so maybe this is not going to be so helpful right now after all. Plus eyesight is acting up again. Something is going on and has got to change!!!<br />
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so there...Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-66641179074973636142013-10-29T00:14:00.000-07:002013-10-29T00:14:05.561-07:00Time to say goodbyeAfter nearly 2 years of having this blog, I have to move in a different direction. I have been working hard to create the platform necessary to live my passions fully. I recognize that I have a voice for a reason, and though I love people and have a heart for people suffering from lyme, (of course) I have to be careful not to submerse myself in those murky depths. If one is very tied to the illness, diagnosis and prognosis, I cannot help them as I would wish to. And honestly, I cannot be limited by that. I surely would love to reach the lyme community, a worthy community to reach out to, but I want more. I want to touch the world. And so I shall. Regardless of illness or pain, both very real states I must contend with, I will continue to increase and do whatever I can to share with the world at large any darn thing I can that may bring benefit. I wasn't called solely to my local community. I know this. I have always known this. It is a bit intimidating, yes. However, I will not allow this silly long term health interruption any more ability to steal my life and what I have to give. I say NO and I am going to do what I was created to do ANYWAY! So there. Goodbye. I will see you in the next chapter, I hope... nay, the next book. I am closing the book on this one. :)<br />
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Love to you all. Much appreciation for all you have done to support in support of me and my family. I will post the new blog on my FB page located at www.facebook.com/jen.antoniou<br /><br />You can also find me on twitter @jenantoniou and I am newly on instragram, but I am not sure my name there... probably the simple "jenantoniou". Let's see what this next journey entails! :)Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-62550630139313236452013-07-24T14:40:00.001-07:002013-07-24T14:40:04.537-07:00The transformationI had been angry, scared and frustrated. I felt God wasn't listening. Did He even care. Fed up and still mad I made a decision... this is what happened:<br />
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When I came to a place where I was so desiring Him and His will, and was willing to lay it ALL down for Him, even my dreams and desires, and said Yes... He began to show me what to do. When you say yes and make the decision, the answers begin to present themselves. I was so scared of giving up my whole life, my will, my dreams, MYSELF, but instead found that our desires matched. I let go of things I didn't need, and found much of what I thought I wanted was what He had breathed into me in the very beginning. That instead of losing myself, I began to truly FIND MYSELF. And who I found was profoundly more beautiful than I could have imagined. I have faced some very difficult times, and they are easier now than they were before. I'd never have been able to go through it before, but at the same time, more amazing things happen than ever could have. You find that you rise above. Greater joy, greater peace, greater understanding of how incredibly amazing you were created in Him. This has been my journey. I cannot speak for someone else. This is what happened when I was at a crossroads and I chose to die to self. I have no regrets.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-80565383851650162062013-07-09T01:37:00.000-07:002013-07-09T01:37:09.557-07:00A big step... time to face it.I am profoundly sad. I am grieved and hurting. I am wanting to avoid part of this process for a couple reasons. One, I love people deeply. To look at, process the feelings and situations, and vent it out is painful. But necessary. I am speaking of facing the wounds from my past, the people that were instrumental in causing them, and write it all out. It feels like a betrayal of people I love, in most cases. Even likely more difficult is forgiving myself for whatever it is I am holding against myself. My body is at war. Inflammation is a body warring against itself. There has to be emotional and spiritual significance to this. This forgiveness homework has been given to me a long time ago, in my healing process. I avoided it. If I were to come to you, for instance, and tell you how action or words from you caused a deep wounding, you would have deep regret, because you are a kind and loving person. You would either already carry this regret and pain, completely aware of the error of your ways, or you would be made aware and then the pang would be something you would have to process. Just as difficult, and maybe scary for me, would be that you didn't see eye to eye with me and didn't feel there was anything about your behavior that could have caused me hurt. That could make you angry, or you could dismiss me as being overly emotional. Any variation of things could come about. And maybe, just maybe, my recollection or response to things as a small child could be erroneous. But it doesn't matter... wounding is wounding, pain is pain. A simple I am sorry carries such significant weight, even if whatever happened was not intended or recalled. Just being sorry that someone is hurting should be enough, and the other party should be willing to say it. Because of love.<br />
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More than anything, I do not want to inflict pain on anyone. I have carried enough myself to never want to cause it. But I have. Many times. Not purposely, I don't think. I am pretty sure that even when I feel like I want to or I can easily (though temporarily) justify such behavior, I do not think I have ever intentionally caused someone pain. Why would you?<br />
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Then the next layer... self forgiveness. I am beginning to think this may be the biggest part of my healing. And frankly, I am scared. I am so not wanting to go there. But it may be easier than going face to face with my parents, brothers, sis-in-laws, aunts, uncles, friends, and so on... whoever may be one I need to release from anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, whatever is hidden in there. Hidden, as if it were not, it would be dealt with already.<br />
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So here I am... knowing I have a healing appt at 10am and concerned I will be up all night with this. I have put it off until the last minute. Not on purpose really, but maybe? I am kinda afraid to open this box. What if it is Pandora's box?<br />
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I AM IMPORTANT ENOUGH! I am important enough to take this step. This very brave step into something unknown and potentially dark. But I have a feeling that once illuminated, there will be a shine reflected that is brighter than the depth of darkness previously encountered. Lord, please give me strength and wisdom in which places to go. Hold my hand, hold me in your arms... keep me safe as I encounter things I don't want to see. And in this, bring me healing such as I have never experienced before. Freedom I have never known, that I can share with others.<br />
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I love you, and I love me... and reader, I love you too. Thank you for caring enough to be a part of my journey. May you have the courage to do the same, and may you experience a pure, deep, fierce freedom for yourself.<br />
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Cover me... I am going in...Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-18982303530950229792013-06-28T01:31:00.001-07:002013-06-28T01:31:59.091-07:00Thank you!<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">Today I want to share a special thank you to you all who read my posts. I will get more regular, though it has not been an easy task for me, because I tend to expend any "extra" energy that comes in on all the things I am behind on, so this gets tabled. However, I feel I need to keep up on it, and I greatly appreciate the love and heart that goes into wading through all of this. I know my life is challenging, and it is my daily deal... and realize it is often difficult to wade through someone else's 'stuff', whether or not it is easier or harder than your story, simply because it is not your story. Thank you for caring enough to read, or even just being curious enough. The surprise feedback I receive from people, when I had no idea they would care to read my posts, is encouraging, uplifting and gives me hope. Extra hope, I mean. :)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">When a person is as vulnerable as I have been, with fatigue and/or very high pain levels... or even when the pain is lower, but CONSTANT, it can be scary. You don't know if you will say the right things... whether or not that means you overshare, or you use the wrong word... and really don't know how people will choose to respond. So you can often be overwhelmed and on edge, trying to be careful. What you are then doing is expending valuable healing energy to keep from offending anyone. I give up on that. I would never intentionally offend someone, so I let that go. That is an internal thing for them. I am doing my best.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">Anyway, I digress. THANK YOU. I love you. I truly do. And if we have not met, we will have to remedy that and you will then soon enough know that I mean it. :)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">Blessings on you all!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">Jen</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;"><br /></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-25209490219128571112013-06-28T01:24:00.000-07:002013-06-28T01:24:00.444-07:00Love is the answer...<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">Though not Lyme related, I wanted to share this. It is important. And it actually does relate to chronic illness, as it is allowed a foothold when the ability to receive and give love is lacking. I am working on it. <3</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">My response to a post on the recent court decision and how people are reacting:</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">As a licensed, ordained minister and wedding officiant, I am in a position to choose to love and embrace every person, or not. I just keep hearing LOVE, LOVE, LOVE over and over. It makes sense to love, as God IS LOVE.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">Just as I don't share my opinion of favorite color with another, I won't always agree with othe</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 15.454545021057129px;">rs and their choices. How do I respond then to these situations? As I came home this evening, after having spent some time with a new couple in our community and realizing that they are a couple, and both male, I was searching for answers in how to respond to things that are very contrary to what I have been taught and I have been unsure of what to think or feel. I LOVE people. I cannot distinguish between people based on color, gender, sexual orientation, beliefs, whether they are a cat or dog person, or anything else. Bottom line, each person is an individual who deserves my love and respect solely because they are a person and created by our Loving Father. Created by love, meant to thrive on love, and aught to be loved to wholeness, whatever our Creator means that to be. As I felt a sense of freedom to love, JUST LOVE, and recognizing THAT is my responsibility, and that is pretty much it, I felt joy and excitement at even more opportunities to show that love. Then as I approached my building, a song went through my head that stood out as an excerpt of scripture, which I then looked up. Then I smiled and my heart laughed because it confirmed it all...<br /><br />1 Peter 4:8<br />Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (It even covers the sin of judgment, which many should be very grateful for. I know I am. And am also quite grateful that my erroneous thinking has been cleaned up... kinda funny on how difficult it is to judge someone you are loving. heh)<br /><br />Regardless of what is right and wrong, you love. As Jesus did. And I admire and look up to Him and want to be JUST LIKE HIM!<br /><br />Whatever you have done, are doing, will do, or didn't, aren't or won't be doing will not pull you out of a place of the love I have for you. Even when sometimes I don't like you or something you are doing, I can always still love you. Whoever you are, wherever you live, whether or not we know each other... LOVE. It really is the answer. Or should I say HE really is the answer. Love, He is the answer. :)</span>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-38984486870207843342013-06-11T03:45:00.001-07:002013-06-11T03:45:49.471-07:00Overdue...I have not written in a while. It has been sporadic, at best. Often it feels like a chore I just don't have energy for, yet when complete, I feel a sense of accomplishment and relief. I feel like, just maybe, I said something that someone, somewhere will appreciate. For some time now, I have had to try to use Siri to post and not type it up. Predominantly as I did not have a laptop to use, and sitting up at a desk is not always the best thing for me. You can often tell I was not typing it up, as the words or grammar will come out wrong. To vs too or two, there vs their... you would think it would be obvious, but apparently that is not always the case.<br />
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The fun news is that Jim has taken on some side work and surprised me with a laptop! I don't think I am all that easily surprised, but I was this time!!! How amazing... so here I am. I should be sleeping, but I need to jot a note and hope it helps me sleep.<br />
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Here is a brief list of what I am up to:<br />
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I am setting up a schedule so I can complete my wedding and event planning course, plan my doterra time, organize kiddie stuff while school is out, start a teeny exercise program slowly, organize my home some, etc. I have far more things to do than I do energy. Perhaps I should spend some MORE money, sheesh, and get the couple supplements for energy. Maybe I don't have enough faith in them. But how can I know if I don't try? Oh, one more thing... I will be scheduling some time for writing and blogging about using doTERRA's lyme disease protocol. That isn't all, but is a start...<br />
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That is all for right now... I want to check something, and I need to sleep. I think I can now.<br />
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Thanks for reading, and I will plan to write more regularly now that I don't have a very good excuse not to. ;)Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-65440377486673301602013-03-04T04:29:00.002-08:002013-03-04T04:29:50.200-08:00If you can't sleep, write...I have been having a fair amount of insomnia. I thought maybe it was because some of the issues I have been dealing with were improving, sending back to the awful insomnia I experienced for many years through my pre-teens, into my twenties.<br />
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What do you do when you cannot sleep? You watch tv or movies, you pray, you cry, you go on facebook, hoping someone is there... you toss, you turn, you cry again, you take a bath, you pray some more... you go outside to get some fresh air, hoping that will help, and then it hits you... you should WRITE. Yeah, that is it! I will write. What will I write about? Random musings, my kids, my awesome hubby, hot tubs, raw food eating, essential oils, makeup and makeovers, vacations, whatever and wherever the whim takes you.<br />
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I don't know where I will begin. I don't know where I will end. It doesn't matter. Perhaps there is too much jumbled together in my head, or maybe I am feeling sad, for no apparent reason. It could be the forecasted rain is causing the increased pain I keep ignoring, and maybe I should just take something for it already... but I would rather not. Still maybe I should.<br />
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I hear the noise echoing from across the street at Food Maxx. It would be nice if people could just be more quiet and thoughtful. It would also be nice if I felt great, and even though tired, could just clean and get my home in order when I have insomnia. But, it would disturb my happily resting family.<br />
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When I went out onto the balcony, I had a feeling my quiet departure had interrupted Jim's sleep. Sure enough, after several minutes of breathing the fresh, cool air, the balcony door opened and he asked if I was okay. "No, not really." Sniff-sniff, cry... as aggravating as it can be to be unable to sleep, that cannot be my focus. Which is difficult when you so badly want to sleep. It is hard to think of anything else. But I need to. So I am going to google ideas to write about. Then I will come back here, and write away. Unless I get lucky and fall out... crash, snooze, zzzzz.....Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-88247787360476780152013-02-27T17:38:00.001-08:002013-02-27T17:38:17.167-08:00My take on "me time".This was inspired by a blog I just read. You can see it here, if you like: http://m.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/the-me-time-myth-11598542.html<br />
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Motherhood is a blessing, and a joy. It is also the most challenging thing you can do, as you hold precious little lives in your hands. Molding and shaping their futures with your love and words of affirmation, and truth of who God is just happens to be the most noble calling there is. However, as important is cherishing time with your children, is setting appropriate boundaries, and maintaining who you are, as an individual. The person you are, as a wife and mother, stems from your core identity. Of course, if you don't build your core identity on the Rock, you have no foundation. I love so called "me time". This is time I take, every blue moon, where I reflect on my life, where we are, and were we are headed. It's time I take where I get to do something special for me (pedicures are often underrated, lol... my last was in August!) where I remember to appreciate myself. My children often get little rewards, treats, and special love moments. I love me too. Not to their exclusion, but to remember the person God created me to be, and show her love. I find it makes me appreciate my beautiful family more, when I give myself this gift of time. When I honor the roll of wife and mother... I think it is a matter of perspective. A healthy perspective makes "me time" a healthy, nurturing time. Sometimes I find my "me time" includes a little "her time" with one of my sweet girls, or "him time" with my amazing husband. Sometimes we all take a break for some extra special "we time". :)<br />
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Me Time can be good. As with most things, it depends on the proper perspective.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-91427539900357934082013-02-02T21:33:00.001-08:002013-02-02T21:33:47.559-08:00Wake me up, before you go-go...How about wake yourself up before you go-go, in my bed!<br />
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Well, I was sound asleep when Avalei started tossing and turning... I tried texting Jim, to no avail. (Not unusual... I often consider getting a landline with LOUD ringer because of this.) she then is upright. I feel her forehead, but it's fine. She starts bucking like a bronco, and whimpering. "Do you need to potty, do you feel like you're going to throw up (please God, nothing contagious... my niece or nephew could be here ANY time...)... does your tummy hurt?" Her head hits the mattress. Then she seems more distressed... I grab at her crotch... DANGIT! I run for the bathroom, banging on the wall as I go. I hear Jim finally respond... I get back to the whimpering three year old... she's barely awake and desperately trying to contain the flood she's unleashed, poor thing. But I've got a beach towel! I shove it under her and flip her onto part of it as I frantically sop up the mess. It began to hit me, how out of it I was, sound asleep for about an hour. Jim grabs a pull up, though I doubt she will need it now, and gets her back to bed. By now I'm slowing down yet as quickly as possible am stripping the bed. It actually went through the mattress cover, and everything! I feel bummed... my mattress has pee on it... then remember, I HAVE A FOAM TOPPER! Yeehaw, my mattress is unscathed. Phew! Everything is in the wash, thankfully the actual migraine has gone away... other than the after effects of grogginess and fatigue... and the 20 min whirlwind has ended. My<br />
sheets smell like lavender, and I am hoping to go back to sleep.<br />
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I wonder if she will remember the only wetting accident she's had since going to panties at night... hope not. I'm not telling.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-55062457623508183122013-01-27T21:25:00.001-08:002013-01-27T21:25:16.075-08:00Sometimes hurt can provoke growth... it has for me.<br />
A couple weeks ago my feeling were hurt by a couple people who don't know me well enough to know my real character. It showed me another area I needed to grow in. Not everyone will agree with me, or understand what and why I do things. They won't always know the big picture, and sometimes they won't care either, actually. I am not saying all this is the case with these individuals. Although I did not like their approach, nor what they had to say (to completely different situations, just hit me all at the same time) and disagreed with them, they were not coming from a place of unkindness, nor do I believe their intent was coming from an ugly place. The thing is, we are always going to encounter people and situations that make us upset, or rock our little worlds. How will we handle them? In the new direction I am going in professionally, one that was not intended but that I find I totally love, these situations showed me a couple things I needed to do to cover myself and make sure the people I am working with are well taken care of. If what I am doing does not benefit the people I work with and for, then I am not interested in doing it. Those of you who already know me, know that. You know my intentions and desire to help. Some of you are aware of my great desire to help others in business for themselves be as successful as they can possibly be, in keeping with their personal goals and dreams, of course. As I grow, and heal too, I will be more exposed to more people. Often people like me just fine, but there will be those that do not, or dislike my methods, or whatever. Maybe they won't like my hair, or my voice, or something that is pretty insignificant overall. Bottom line, I cannot allow those things to deter me. I had that overwhelming feeling of wanting to just forget doing what I am doing, and realized that meant I was on the right course. I implemented some new tools, as I realize what I am doing is taking off and creating relationship building and networking opportunities. In addition, since I am getting a handle on how to charge for things, and getting minor kinks worked out... plus experience creates a greater ease, now I can incorporate fundraising into my little model here. I can raise funds for causes that are important to me. I can fuel connections within communities of commonality. This is exciting! In addition, I just read how loneliness damages your immune system. With the Lyme disease stuff, I was too sick to have the regular people contact I need. People often forget to make the effort to stay in touch... kind of an out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. Often, they figure you are not well enough to have a little visit. However, when everyone thinks that, you feel very alone. This activity of mine is helping me connect with people, and find people who are like minded. I am finding some really high caliber people I am blessed to associate with. A win-win where we share different things with one another and learn from each other. I feel very blessed. I am interested in and excited to see what evolves as I win this lyme fight. Even if under scrutiny, even when unfair situations come about, I am going to keep going. Injustice makes me angry, but I will choose to allow myself to be angry about the situation, and keep that separate from the individual. However, I will be very careful to disallow them from repeating the offense. I do things and give of myself with all my heart... I don't hold back, don't have reserves, and put others before myself. I have learned that does not mean I should not protect myself, as this is best for me and my family, but I choose not to be motivated by selfish desires. When they rear up, I ignore them and make choices on what is good for those around me as long as it does not interfere with my personal integrity. I think this is a good place to operate from. Don't let situations (I am not going to say people, as I have chosen to believe that most people have good intentions and would not often choose to be hurtful or cause a situation that would make you feel badly) throw you off track. Take what you can learn from them, if anything, and forge ahead. Even if someone were deliberately trying to hurt or derail you, letting them do so is not the solution. The people who need what you have to offer them won't go away just because you let go of your dream and focus... they will still be there needing what you have. Put your ego and pride aside, or your hurt feelings, whatever it is... and focus forward. Put your best out there all the time, but take care of yourself too. I can look at those situations, made even harder because I really liked those people, and not feel the pang I felt when they happened. This is huge for me, as it used to be more difficult. Now on the flip side, what if you were a person who caused a painful situation, how could you make things better? How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Maybe you really think someone else is wrong about something, or you don't like how they do things... consider taking the high road. We are not the character police and should lay aside judgements. We usually do not know what other people are going through or contending with. And we all have differente experiences and personalities. Let us take these things into consideration when we make the decisions we do.<br />
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Blessings to you all. :) Jen<br />
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-64399824371545644052013-01-14T02:25:00.001-08:002013-01-14T10:00:16.670-08:00What creates value?I am in awe of God's magnificence... HOW does He do what He does? I cannot fathom His Brilliance! He's absolutely Beautiful.<br />
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I began to think about what makes things valuable. My Father holds me in high regard. He sees me as extraordinarily and infinitely valuable.<br />
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So, I started to think about what gives things value. First, we think about the materials. What is it made of? What are WE made of? Dust of the earth, yeah... but He created us from scratch, and then breathed LIFE into us. From His lungs, He gave us life. From His heart, He created mankind. That's amazing.<br />
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Second, rarity, uniqueness, something nothing else is like. Our very DNA is unique to us. Nobody is like you. Nobody is like me. We are each ONE OF A KIND. Talk about a limited edition. ONLY ONE. Suddenly we see the value skyrocketing...<br />
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Third, what service can a particular item provide? We are all hand crafted, uniquely designed to serve a purpose that NOT ONE OTHER CAN. Some people carry similar giftings, or maybe some have a purpose, or calling, that can complement another, but not one is alike fully. That means nobody can replace you, and now you see your value is even greater.<br />
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Fourth, an emotional, or love attachment. Something contains sentimental value, or a person is dearly beloved, regardless of anyone's perceived faults. His love for you, the depths of the ocean cannot match. It is complete, and lacking nothing. <br />
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A year ago, we lost the majority of our belongings, and I was unable to do anything about it. A dress I'd worn as flower girl, in two weddings, and made by my mother... just the right size for my youngest, gone. If someone found it and offered it to me, though the value in a store would be $10-15, or so... I'd pay far more.<br />
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So fifth, is it replaceable... no? Higher value.<br />
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And sixth... what would you give for it, to keep or obtain it.<br />
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One more, number seven... appearance. Everybody appreciates things of beauty. Well, you were made in the image or likeness of God, and you were fearfully and wonderfully made. That's what makes you beautiful. (<---- you're welcome Abby... inside joke, tee hee)<br />
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You can see how your value is suddenly undefinable. You are irreplaceable. You are one of a kind. You are priceless, and in the efforts to secure YOU, God gave up His Son. His life, as recompense for yours. Nobody can do what you were created to do. Nobody can touch who YOU can touch. You were not a mistake or an accident. You were made for right here, right now, this very moment and moments to come. There is nobody, nor was, nor will be, who can take your place. Ever.<br />
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What do you intend to do with that? LIVE. To the fullest. Face every fear, and in doing so, disable it. Speak truth. Share joy. Choose hope. And most of all, show love. Truly represent the material you were crafted with. Your Father's heart, and very breath.<br />
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You hold infinite value. Honor who you are. The things that make you special. The things you can do, like nobody else can. Don't apologize for it! Embrace it, and celebrate it. Appreciate the beauty you carry in you.<br />
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In doing so, you will show how you value your Creator, by valuing His creation. <br />
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:) Have a wonderful day!<br />
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Ps, I just realized that a year ago, today, I started my blog. Wow... when I did, I was in a very difficult place. It hasn't been a fast process, but wow! I've come a long way! :) Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-22428202385126760092013-01-03T08:59:00.001-08:002013-01-03T08:59:06.040-08:00Enough is enoughSo, I've been afraid to focus on the good things, especially when I feel I've had a stall in progress. But even maintaining any improvement is a gain! Plus I need to get back into healthy treatment and focus. So here it is. I will kick this bugger in the arse by posting the good things, even if I am afraid that people will think I'm all the way better, capable of more, or whatever the fear is. I've got to disengage from the fear of what would happen if I "ignore" the disease stuff, and instead focus on what is better. I've struggled with this balance... it has been off-balance and unsure of how I manage it. Today I was in my class (via phone) with Gary Blier of Advanced Cell Training. Gary is very blunt and tackles what he sees you dealing with, head on. Thing is, even if it is painful, he's so spot on. You can't get away with anything. ;) But I am not in this class to stay stuck. This has been a long time issue. I don't know how to overcome it, really. I'll seek God, of course (duh, lol). But this process? Don't know how to manage it. Ack.<br />
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My request to anyone ready this is to pray for us still. Pray that I will rise above the fear, any loneliness and judgement, and focus on exactly what I need to so I can break through this. I don't want to associate myself with pain and exhaustion, but because it is so in my face, I do! I have to break through this. Please support me in this, and encourage me... I need help to keep my focus.<br />
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Shoot, I hear a very unhappy 8 year old... what now? School resumes on Monday... HALLELUJAH!!!! They need more stuff to do away from each other. These young ones fight too much! Sheesh.<br />
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Okay, breakfast and talking Audrey down. Getting dressed and ready, then to Petaluma to meet my dad, and Novato to go to their building and permits office, and then back home and need to design marketing materials for my upcoming February event.<br />
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I may try for a nap in there, but probably that won't work.<br />
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Anywho... My name is Jen. I am a daughter of the most high God. I am not Lyme disease and it does not own me. I am a princess warrior. Guess who wins?! ;)Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-83648313316350329832012-12-26T12:08:00.001-08:002013-01-03T08:43:42.071-08:00An update is long overdueI don't write as often as I would like to, because it does take a tremendous amount of effort. I have been concerning my energy to do many of the different activities I have been doing lately, and focusing on just getting them done. This is good in many ways, but at times not so good, as I am focused on the final outcome and don't always allow myself the time I need to rest. However, if I did things based on how I felt, I would never get anything done. So I plug away, doing my very best, and then it hits me. The wall of fatigue, and tears, and the overall general weakness in my body. Right now I'm in tears, just because I'm so exhausted. Have I enjoyed the things I've been doing? Yes. But sometimes I wonder what it costs me.<br />
Still, maybe it would cost me more if I didn't engage in these other activities. I have to focus on things outside of myself, outside of illness, outside of how hopeless and disappointed I feel at times. I have to focus on the positive things, the possibilities, and the promises. Yesterday my mom was asking me questions about treatments, and how you can heal from lime disease. I answered her, knowing she needed to know the answers, and having he wanted to talk to her about it before. But at the same time I didn't want to talk about it. Because it brought home again, how challenging this diseases, how hard it is, how costly it is, and how devastating it is to have to contend with this on a daily basis. Right now, instead of laying down and taking a nap, I really want to organize some things in the house. I want to clean, go buy a new broom - since mine broke, and vegetable peeler - since mine disappeared, and some other things that have been on my mind. To have the vision, and lack the physical capability, is very frustrating. I watch other people who, with veritable ease, handle their household things without a second thought. <br />
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I had this in a draft and will post it. Then I will do something different... stay tuned.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-84272727076017273702012-11-15T08:49:00.001-08:002012-11-15T08:49:19.724-08:00Change is afoot!Okay, so I have thoroughly been blessed while working with Gary Blier, of Advanced Cell Training. (www.advancedcelltraining.com) I am currently not doing ANYTHING else, outside of my dietary shifts, and meeting with a woman Gary recommended. Her name is Doris, and she has quite a gift. Such godly insight, and actually communicates with angels. Some people do get to do that... Lol. Anyway, it was amazing to talk to her yesterday, and Gary today. Both conversations confirmed my belief that I had pre-birth trauma. Since the work I have been doing with Gary, and how I was ready to talk to Doris (and those results), I am seriously seeing an amazing shift. Also crucial to this success and the results God has been putting together, has been Dr Lyndsey Elizabeth, my friend. She is a prayer warrior with an incredible healing gift. She took me through a DEEP layer of wounding, to healing. I'm incredibly excited!<br />
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Now, you may wonder how I'm doing physically. Predominantly, the issues I'm dealing with currently are fatigue (seems to have begun a shift) and all over body pain. Owwie! Once the pain and fatigue lifts, I'll know I've come a very long way. :) I have, much, anyway... but the big shift is coming from this beginning shift. For YEARS I have known and expected the holiday season to produce something incredible, and every year I have been excited and waited to see the major shift... but it didn't happen. Still, I KNEW it was supposed to happen during the holiday season, and I waited. Often very disappointed. But this year, the anticipation and excitement is palatable and greater... WOW! Just wait... so thrilled to share this journey with you all and see the massive breakthrough arriving. Yay!!!!<br />
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Multi-layer steps, moving right along. Often feeling very slow, but 37 years of stuff doesn't usually just resolve overnight. Body, mind, and spirit are being healed. THANK YOU JESUS!!!<br />
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(Oh, and guess what? I applied for a JOB! Ha!!!)Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-78552676736962379032012-10-18T12:46:00.001-07:002012-10-18T12:46:05.890-07:00Oh, the fatigue... go away.My days typically are not as eventful as most mothers, in terms of accomplishments, but as I heal up more and Avalei starts preK, this will change. Actually, maybe what accomplishments are with healthy women would be different. Getting out of bed is a big deal.<br />
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Today was a toughie, already. So I was up at 7:36am, realizing Jim was sound asleep next to me, and the kids were up. OMG!!! Jim should have been up and doing the morning routine! He lost his phone, which doubles as an alarm, and should have asked me to use mine. I didn't even think of it. <br />
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Off he goes to ensure the older two are ready for school, dressed with lunches, and off they go. I head to the girls room because isn't that how everyone begins their day? And get a text that the babysitter I'd hired to help out this morning (I'm very tired and could tell I was fighting something last night) informing me she had severe cramps and couldn't come. I would have cried, but I was too tired. 8:00 and time to get on a health call that is helping in my battle with Lyme disease. Sometime between 8:00-9:00 Jim kissed me goodbye and left. I put on some soothing music after the call, part of protocol, and crash. Could.not.keep.my.eyes.open. Avalei is in and out, talking to me as I nearly drool on myself. Just kidding, but only about the drooling part. I remember groggily praying for supernatural nanny angels, or something along those lines. This went on until 12:15 when I checked FB, hoping to stay awake for my kiddo, and my mom called. I haven't eaten a thing. Avalei did, and I'm certain because I first asked Jim, and then she came and said hi, as she ate.<br />
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Now I close windows, turn on a/c, and make lunch... assuming I don't fall on the floor.<br />
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This isn't every day. Thankfully. Now to enter the main part of the house and see what my fatigue has cost me. <br />
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Oh yay! She was merciful. Phew! :) Imagine first trimester fatigue... that's what I can compare this to, from experience. Why doesn't she nap anymore???<br />
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It's now 12:45, and is still be sleeping if I wasn't forcing myself up.<br />
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Tomorrow will be better... I'm holding onto that hope!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-50337372841621727942012-09-15T16:08:00.002-07:002012-09-15T16:08:23.929-07:00I need you.I need you. Yes, you. I need your compassion. Your understanding. Your unconditional love. Sometimes I need you to pat me on the back, to hold my hand, to send me a note of encouragement. I need you to pray for me, and breath hope into me when mine has worn down to its core. I need you to smile at me and to wipe away my tears. I need you to see me, through all the things that could potentially keep you from seeing me clearly. I need you to care. I need you to be careful about offering advice, as often it is not what is truly helpful. Sometimes I need you to bring me something. Or to ask if there is something you could bring me that I really need, or maybe even just want. Sometimes I want you to come over with a funny movie, so we can just laugh. I need to laugh. Tell me funny things. My body hurts, and sometimes just a gentle back rub will mean the world to me. Sometimes a card in the mail makes me feel on top of the world. Knowing you have your own life going on, and your challenges and frustrations, but you remember me, makes me feel cherished and special. I need that. I need you to keep your word. Please don't make me promises, and then back out. Either don't make any, and surprise me, or keep them. When I am in a place of desperate need of help, and you answer a prayer, but then really don't, it is devastating. I am doing my best, and as long as this is all my best is, I don't need extra disappointment and to have to figure something else out last minute. Please, don't take on things you shouldn't, even if your heart is really big. I don't want that. But if you can offer something, and want to, by all means... :)<br />Often a text or a phone call will take very little time from you, especially since my ringer is off 99% of the time, but will mean so much to me. If I am on your heart, tell me. That gives me a boost. If you think of me and want to see me, ask me. If I can manage a visit, I would LOVE one. I miss you. Even if you just pop by. If you do stop it, when you see me beginning to droop, make me lay down. You don't have to leave then, unless you can see I need you to, but I miss you so much I could overdo it. Things I love, vanilla candles, or any pumpkin, cinnamon, sugar cookie candle. I like lightly scented bath stuff. I like herbal teas, and decaf chai. I love fuzzy socks. hehe I like pretty scarves, and hats are delightful. I love positive sayings for home decor, and love scriptures you can hang. I'm right now visually craving autumn decor, since I don't have any anymore. I love fruits and veggies, yes! And butternut squash soup rocks those fuzzy socks off my feet. Call me crazy, but I am going vegan. For my health. I am taking my life back, yes indeed. How do you spell love? Vacuuming, dishes, and toilet cleaning. Don't you spell it that way too? I love books, reading is something I have begun to be able to do again. I love mixed bouquets, exception of lilies, which hate me. Darnit. I love good worship music. Do you have a puppy? Or a baby? Bring that little one to me so I can snuggle it! :) I love pretty things around me... there is something amazing about surrounding yourself with beauty. I love fresh, organic herbs. Because of the health crisis I am in, I am very careful about what I consume, as a rule. Organic is a wonderful thing. I love card games, but all my cards are gone, darn the luck! ;) Bring cards, I will whoop you. hahaha One important thing to remember as I heal is this... just because I seem excited, happy, and effusive with personality bubbling out of me, doesn't mean I won't rapidly hit a wall and slide right down it. Don't assume I am doing all that much better, until I say so. Looks can be deceiving. Am I improving? I think so. But I don't yet really "feel" it. I can do more, every so often. And when I am able to, my endurance is longer, but nothing near normal. Please keep in mind that when I think I am feeling well, I can quickly turn a corner and feel like I am going to pass out. This makes me feel badly as I find myself concerned about how this will affect you. Remind me in these moments, that it is about me. I have been told to focus on me, and I know I need to. This is difficult for me. Don't let me get away with deflecting that. It is dangerous for my health, for real. I want to be well. For me, for you, for the purpose God has for me. The enemy is real, but he is weak when compared to the awesome power, authority and glory of my Father God. His strength is made perfect in my weakness... well look at that, I feel useful. :) I need to rest and to eat. Probably not in that order. As you read this words, know that they likely apply to anyone (overall) that is dealing with any chronic, crippling disease or ailment... even severe depression. Please be gentle with one another. It is hard to share this with everyone, and most won't. Always operate in love. Please. Always. And thank you to all of you who have been there for me, in any way. You are sowing good seed. XOXOXOJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-33889242735948155622012-08-05T17:41:00.001-07:002012-08-05T17:41:08.392-07:00Progress is progress, even if only baby steps.Baby steps. Sometimes I feel I should be doing more than baby steps, but reality is that this is huge progress. I should celebrate every victory, and I keep saying I do and it's true. Still, there are other times where the slow progress makes me feel frustrated and sometimes a bit disappointed. I have so many hopes and dreams, so many plans for my future and my family, and slow progress doesn't quite fit with my heart's desires. <br />
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I am determining to be pleased with any progress I make. Trying to recognize the distance I have come in the last several months, and what a big deal that is. I was rapidly going downhill, and although it was hard for me to see how poorly I was doing, there are many who began to recognize it, and see the changes since then more clearly than I do. The truth is, I was doing so poorly, that I couldn't even wrap my mind around what was going on. I think maybe there's this inherent part of us that doesn't want to allow us to see how bad things are. It could be that I am a positive person by nature, and it wasn't something I always recognized because of the illness. It could be that I realize that God is always wanting what's best for me, and always breathing life into my being. And it's that desperate attempt to remember to concentrate on those truths and believe him and trust him, that have often disallowed me to see my reality. Now I say my reality, because my current reality doesn't match God's truth. But it's getting closer and closer every day.<br />
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An example of my reality coming closer to the truth is that I got up this morning, I did my praise moves workout, I got myself ready and put make up on. Those things in themselves are humongous accomplishments for me. And although that might seem silly and frivolous to some, it's because they don't have a true appreciation of what that means to someone who could scarcely get dressed much less leave the house.<br />
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I was so pleased. Then I went to lunch with Rachael and my mom, and celebrated my birthday together. We did some window shopping, and they did a little bit of real shopping, while I began to feel very fatigued. I hoped it would recover enough to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, and I did. This is also a very big deal. We then went and got pedicures and Rachael and I got manicures, and we laughed and relaxed together. After are fairly lengthy afternoon together, they drove me home. We visited briefly and they took their leave. I then spent time with the family and helped Jim get the kids ready for bed. It was a little more difficult, because I'm very sore. Not only have I done two of the praise moves workouts in the last three days, but yesterday I went and had an hour and a half massage and I'm very very tender, and very sore in places from it. I know it was important, nonetheless I still hurt. After the massage I had gone to the hot tab, and that felt good. However I think I need to soak with Epson salts and maybe ice my back.<br />
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After eating dinner and getting the kids settled for bed, I told Abby and Jim that we needed to finish zone number one. I am working diligently in getting our fly lady system set up, so our home is neater and easier to maintain.<br />
We now have our calendar, and to do lists set up on Cozi.com. This system is fantastic, and on my new iPad (yay!), it's easy to follow. On the to do list I can just tap the boxes and it adds checkmarks. I also have been writing down the tasks for the week on the dry erase board and we just erase it as we go along. It is fantastic, and helping us to get more systems in place. It's progress, and it's actually very good progress, I just am very much a go getter, and I want to "go get". <br />
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Okay, so let me tell you what zone 1 was this week. Our tasks centered around the entry way, the dining room, and our balcony. On the lis,t it says porch, which makes more sense because they're all connected, but we don't have a porch and have a balcony instead. This evening I got on my hands and knees and I dusted the baseboards in the entry and dining areas. We're very fortunate to not have a lot of dust here, but I hardly got anything up. I am pretty sure we have not done that since we moved here in February. But now we have.<br />
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We cleaned up and organized the coat closet, wiped down the floor in the entry area, vacuumed in the dining room Jim also did the living room, and I dusted the chairs in the dining room. Jim also wiped down the front door, the table, and we did the balcony. On the balcony we had items to pick up and put away, the table to wipe down and the chairs, the railing I also wiped down and the light fixture, and we had to pour hot water onto the balcony because it was sticky from Popsicles and bubbles, and sidewalk chalk. It looks really good now, nice and tidy, and my brightly colored outdoor lights were plugged in for most of the evening. My mother-in-law bought those for my birthday, and I think I need a couple more strings to really get it how I want it, but it looks very pretty right now. It is pretty inviting, and I'm hoping for a rug to really warm it up as well as peppermint plants to ward off the flying and stinging insects, and some tin lanterns or luminaries for me to put candles in and really make it look very comfortable. I wish it wasn't so late and I could go sit out there right now, but it is awfully cold. Oh right, I also want an outdoor heater. That will be fabulous. My body is more tired than my mind, so in just a bit I'm going to try to go to sleep. Hopefully I can. I also want to put some outdoor speakers on the balcony, I have been thinking about it and it would be wonderful.<br />
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So all this is fabulous progress and next week we start on the kitchen which is zone 2 in the flylady system.<br />
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In addition to the above, this week I also got my new starter kit in for Mary Kay. I had one before, and it's basically the essentials for holding skincare classes or parties, but mine was stolen with everything else that was stolen back in February. I also made a couple calls and got some orders in, and I placed an order and received it and assembled the orders as well. So that's actually another big piece of what I accomplished this week. Not only that, but I've also been doing my nighttime routine for my face more often. When I got so sick, I'd go days without washing my face as I was hardly able to do anything. I still feel really under the weather, weak and tired. That hasn't changed really, just my stamina as it has improved, and my endurance. They're still far from normal, and I just do the best I can on a day to day, and moment by moment basis. I don't typically know in advance what I'm going to be able to do, so I just push myself when I feel like it get away with pushing myself a little bit, and other times I don't push it all because I know I can't. At least I'm recognizing that better. My goal is to do my nighttime routine every day, my praise moves workout every day, and get the zone tasks and special zone missions accomplished every week. That is something we can do as a family though, and Abby helped me tonight on the balcony. I'm really glad she did.<br />
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Meanwhile, I want to build up business tools I need to have to work the business as I improve. I will do what I can, and do it slowly. I'm going to start out as if I were a new consultant, and do everything the right way from scratch. I'm essentially starting fresh, with the exception that I have almost 14 years of history in this company, some awesome team members, and some very loyal and faithful customers. I have decided to focus on building my business with the people I see on a regular basis in helping Audrey, and specifically with this apartment complex. I'm not going to focus on much of anything else, but that and my current customers. And I will do this with very tiny baby steps. I am currently working on setting up my systems, very simplified systems this time. I think that because I didn't really use my filesystem at the old house, the files inside probably are very safe from mold spores. I think I will use them and utilize the systems I already had set up, to see if I can get this together. I think it is good for a seasoned consultant to start fresh, in a sense, every so often, so they can still be very relevant to new consultants as they come in. One of my team members is wanting to get her business off the ground, and we could come at it like we're both starting brand-new brand-new, and essentially do that together. I want to keep things very simple, which will help make maintenance easier, but also much easier for new consultants to follow. :)<br />
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I have more to say, but I'm fried and so I'm going to put on some music and go to bed. Thanks for staying tuned... I still need lots of grace and help, but when I can manage something, I do. :)<br />
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Blessings!<br />
<br />
JenJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-80435227424637469492012-07-23T17:22:00.001-07:002012-07-23T17:22:16.256-07:00Pity Party? NO THANKS!I think it is pretty easy to feel sorry for yourself. To get trapped in that place that says, "Why is this happening? It shouldn't happen to me!" Should it happen to anyone? No, not really. But it is what it is. Once in a while I find myself losing my grip on my current situation. Oh great... impending downward spiral.... I DON'T THINK SO! It is far too easy to take the low road. But that road, though easy to get to, is full of potholes, and robbers, and stickers, and cow patties. Yeah, I said it... it's full of crap. So the high road it is... I may slip a bit, but I always regroup. It's a choice.<br />
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Yeah, it's a choice. YOU get to choose your response. What will you choose today?<br />
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The pity party I could opt for today, will take the energy away needed for the fun party coming up. And that would just not be fun!<br />
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Party on Wayne.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-44491398157605076292012-07-13T19:35:00.001-07:002012-07-13T19:35:39.397-07:00Oh, that my life would be all it's purposes to be. :)Seasons come and go<br />
Circumstances ebb and flow<br />
There is one Constant I know...<br />
He created me. He gave me life and purpose. He created the passions that stir deep within, deliberately. I'm made to encompass Beauty. He is beauty. I am His, made in His image. The result of this is that I AM BEAUTY. His loved, cherished, precious child. What more can I do but honor Him with every breath I take, with every step I make. Without Him, life is empty and without hope. What an empty future I would have without Him! I would die without my love, without His peace that surpasses anything else.<br />
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Oh that my life would be ever focused on Him, in a way that draws people in and translates to them the love of the Father. <br />
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Oh Lord, spring from within me wells of joy, infectious, overwhelming and glorious!<br />
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Oh yes, let it be! I am free! I am happy! Lead me to others who need the same.<br />
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Hallelujah! Your love is amazing!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-90270147150859503482012-07-06T01:26:00.000-07:002012-07-06T01:26:52.974-07:00PART ONE: I can hardly believe I have not posted since April...Wow, so the last few months have been very involved. At times I was sick and tired, and unable to leave the house (while on certain meds), while others I was okay-though not great. What a process!<br />
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I really don't want to hash out all the stuff that has gone on. There has been way too much to post, and frankly, this kinda wipes me out. :) So I am going to ramble on about what is going on now, and if anything that has happened comes up, then I will add it.<br />
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I don't want to talk about how I am doing right now, though if you ask and really want to know, I will be happy to tell you. I just don't want to write about it. I will say that my stamina has improved, and the body pain has gone down some to where it is tolerable and doesn't consume my every moment. Not that it has gone away, but that I can better ignore it.<br />
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I want to stop going to the doctor and taking so many meds, very badly. I am so ready to move on with my life. Kinda like labor, I guess. Yeah, I think so. I think then I am going to push really hard right now. It's my birthday month, and I intend to grab a hold of what God has for me, with all my getting. :)<br />
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So I think I will talk about my intentions. Yep. That is what I am going to do.<br />
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I fully intend to walk out the truth of who God is and His promises to me. His promises to me include:<br />
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He will bless the work of my hands.<br />
He intends for me to walk in health and wholeness, in life and abundance.<br />
He loves me thoroughly, truly and beautifully.<br />
He thinks highly of me.<br />
I am made in His image (and guess what, He ain't sick!)<br />
He has a plan and a purpose for my life.<br />
When I wait on Him, He renews my strength.<br />
His heart toward me is good.<br />
He will restore the years the locust has stolen.<br />
I know He has spoken to me that His plan for me is on a large scale. I fully believe this and will have a large scale benefits and blessings to those I come in contact with. I think that is great redemption for what the enemy has tried to steal. SUCKER!! WRONG GIRL!!!! Payback shall be FIERCE. YAY!<br />
Once I overcome this entirely, I WILL NEVER CARRY ILLNESS LIKE THIS AGAIN, EVER!<br />
He told me something special... "The longer you stand and contend in this, the larger your platform." YAHOO! I have been fighting for so long. I have been learning boundaries too. I believe that when all is said and done, I will have proper boundaries and guidelines with my time and energy levels. Shoot, speaking of, I cannot finish this now... so it will become part 1. I need to go to bed. So I am off. Thanks for reading. :) <br />
<br />Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-88586962301134817812012-04-28T01:14:00.001-07:002012-04-28T01:14:41.108-07:00...I hold onto you with all my strength, LordI lift up my eyes to the hills.<br />
From where does my help come?<br />
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My help comes from the Lord,<br />
who made heaven and earth.<br />
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He will not let your foot be moved;<br />
he who keeps you will not slumber.<br />
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Behold, he who keeps Israel<br />
will neither slumber nor sleep.<br />
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The Lord is your keeper;<br />
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.<br />
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The sun shall not strike you by day,<br />
nor the moon by night.<br />
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The Lord will keep you from all evil;<br />
he will keep your life.<br />
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The Lord will keep<br />
your going out and your coming in<br />
from this time forth and forevermore. (Psalm 121:1-8 ESV)<br />
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Oh Lord, I'm so weary. So tired, so longing to be well and to feel better. So much desiring to be able to the things with my family we like to do and they deserve to have me do with them. I'm up to take some medicine, and can't go back to bed yet. My tummy feel off and I hurt, but hesitate to take more pain meds as I was to be wise with my liver, and also I fool myself into thinking I'm feeling better than I do, but then they begin to wear off and I find that some basic kitchen clean up and pantry organizing is far more than I can physically do, right now, without taxing my body excessively.<br />
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I'm working diligently for my health, knowing full well I will be healed, and that until that fully manifests, I must be a good steward of my body. I'm very focused on being grateful and recognizing the good things, and yet it's so hard. Everyone is asleep and I was so exhausted that I rested and slept through pretty much everyone's bed time and didn't get to spend it with them. Although it takes rather a lot out of me, I still want to have that time. But by the time Jim is home, I'm toast. Old, dried out, toast.<br />
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I need a reprieve. I must find some relief. Please help me. I cannot even clean a bathroom, and I'm the last person here who did.<br />
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Thank you for being there and carrying me through. I cannot fathom how anyone could go through this without you.<br />
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Please bless my sleep mightily tonight. I love you.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-14860516721651730912012-04-09T12:09:00.001-07:002012-04-09T12:09:38.147-07:00Your little things matter to Him... and they aren&apos;t little to Him
at allIt was 1AM. I was tired. I hurt. Not so unusual. I was mourning the loss of the familiar things (the good ones, of course) and feeling off and displaced. I, again, began to miss this music selection my friend Josette had given me 3 years ago, NYE. It was burned onto a CD, without anything much to identify it. I learned it was a soaking cd by the Riveras, and I had listened to it briefly... I wasn't super excited about it, but I didn't listen to much of it at the time and I was tired and pregnant. I listened to it again, and really felt God's presence. It brought a measure of peace and relaxation that I didn't easily obtain on my own. I added the music to my iTunes account, and put it on my iPhone. I began to use the selection often, and times I needed to relax and rest, and if I had difficulty sleeping. I found it was incredibly helpful for my sleep. It also helps me maintain an atmosphere of peace and strength when I was having a difficult labor and delivery at the hospital with my third daughter. It also helped with the recovery after ended up with a C-section. I was separated from my beautiful little girl, I didn't get to see her, miss music helped carry me through. I felt it was easier to connect with God during these times with this music. This music testing many tears, for many reasons. This is been a source of strength to me. When my old iPhone pooped out I lost the selection. Something went wrong with my iTunes and I could never recover it. It was not much later that we moved again and I have no idea where the CD was anyway. So here I am, dealing with a diagnosis of a chronic illness that I've had for a very long time, and having to move suddenly. Hardly anything was familiar. My mattress was unfamiliar, most my furniture was unfamiliar, the space is unfamiliar, some of our dishes and utensils were also. I hardly have any of my old clothing, and hardly anything to replace it anyway. We're in a new town, the kids are in a new school, and I haven't even felt well enough to go to church. It feels very strange, and last night I was in tears just feeling so out of place in an unfamiliar environment. I so long for the familiar. And again, I began to try to find this music selection. It could be seen as a rather silly time to be looking for this music, but Jim was starting to snore again, and I was feeling so out of place and longing for this music as it would transfer me into the presence of God in every deep restful way. I had looked at iTunes, and listened to excerpts from each of their albums. I couldn't find it. I contacted the girlfriend who had given me the original CD, and couldn't reach her. Her number was lost on my old phone, so I was trying to contact her through Facebook. I had suddenly what I would call a God flash. It occurred to me that I might try YouTube, and may be able to find something that was some live conference where they had played. I tried a couple and they were good, but they were not the right ones. I then opened another one, and tears filled my eyes as my body flooded with this instant peace and gratitude that God had led me to the right place. This was it! But now, how do I get all the selections together in one place and recorded and saved to my phone? They had multiple parts listed, part 2, 2, and so on. I then saw that the website was listed in the lower left corner of the video. I went to their website and begin to look through their music available for download. To my amazement, they had a section of free items. I didn't see what I was looking for in the other sections you would pay for, so I decided to check the free options to see if it was there. Lo and behold, there it was. I downloaded the zip drive of MP3 music. I then had to, in my very sleepy befuddled state, figure out how to transfer that into iTunes. But I quickly found of the solution and transferred it into the iTunes account. I then, after a few attempts, was able to sync this selection as a new playlist onto my iPhone. I just cried, tears of joy and gratitude. It was again made clear that He cares about every little detail of our lives. And truly, it isn't little to Him. It isn't really little to me either... but someone else could see if that way. I think I slept better than I have in a very long time. I listened to it all night, and have been listening for a straight ten hours. I feel so much more peace! He is so beautiful! Thank you to Kimberely and Alberto Rivera, and their soaking team, for sharing this and at no cost. Wow... thank you Josette Grewatts, for blessing me with this. Thank you Holy Spirit for the YouTube download... I had not even considered that! Thank you Jesus for loving me and bringing me freedom. And Almighty God, you are my shalom, my provider... You consider everything I need and ensure I lack for no good thing. Thank you for showing me that I, Your princess, matter... down to the seemingly smallest things. I have so much love and gratitude inside, and hope it spills out everywhere I go.<br />
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Wow... now for meds and a nap before I get lunch. GOD IS SO GOOD, His mercy endures forever. Holy is HE!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4823544647314640655.post-68130949064084640352012-03-27T09:43:00.001-07:002012-03-27T09:43:52.515-07:00I have my ACT class today, hurray!I have been taking a class via phone to get rid of Lyme disease, amongst other things. It is helping and I am excited. They have classes for other things also, even emotional trauma. Seriously this is awesome.<br />
<br />
www.advancedcelltraining.com<br />
<br />
Thank you Lord for bringing this to my attention via my friend Robin! I am glad she was looking around for me, wanting to see me well. <br />
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I have the best family and friends!<br />
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And I get to look forward to seeing Mom and Rachael this weekend. This is wonderful!<br />
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Yay, yay, yay!<br />
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JenJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02258303222332669987noreply@blogger.com0